Yeah, I get all of that... while it seems Haley was his High-School sweetheart, I'm sometimes tempted to believe, they didn't get married out of high school. With his career within the FBI and a prosecutor first, he certainly never had a 9-5 life... but inspite of what we were led to believe in Fisher King, I'm tempted to believe they did not get married out of high school but sometime lots later, probably after not having seen each other for a couple of years.
(of course, we've just stumbled across one of the canon inconsistencies)

I'm not sure whether there was a change she didn't see coming or whether she married him without realizing who she married. I agree with you, when he left here there in "Doubt", she finally got it.