Fanfiction: Family Tree
Oct. 26th, 2011 06:40 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
lycanqueen.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
criminalxmindsTitle: Family Tree
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lycanqueen, I go by absintheadditc on FF.NET
Rating: K+
Characters/Pairings: Aaron Hotchner, BAU team
Warnings: Not sure. Mentions of abuse. Partial spoiler from episodes “Natural Born Killer”; “Profiler, Profiled” ; “Penelope” ; “Damaged” ; “Elephant’s Memory” ; “Memoriam” ; “100” ; “Risky Business”.
Disclaimer: I own nothing or no one from "Criminal Minds" and no money is made from this, it is just for catharsis. Title inspired by Megadeth’s song named the same. Anything you recognize isn’t mine so please don’t sue me.
Summary: A song brings up unwanted memories for all the members of the team.
Author's Note: This is my second published Criminal minds fanfiction. I’d like to thank REIDFANATIC who beta’d this piece of work. Thank you for your input. I’m also waiting for some feedback from another beta so this will probably change a little. Not a native English speaker so any errors concerning that should be blamed on me.
*********************
Some things are better left unremembered. He thought the passing years had gifted him with the wisdom and the temper control he didn’t used to have. He usually avoided thinking of the past, mainly because in all honesty some things,–his childhood, his divorce with Haley, the horrible situations his team had suffered, the multitude of sins he had committed - just made him ache and wish for another life. But sometimes, memories are brought up by a particular case, or something as simple as a radio song and he just couldn’t help but remember.
It was a usual day at the office, just paperwork to be done, and he was working with the diligence that made him just as good at the job as he was. Suddenly someone turned the radio on –against the rules of noise regulation within the bullpen- and hard rock was permeating the office. He rose up to go and ask for the quietness they all needed to do their duty as they should. He crossed the bullpen searching for the source of the noise and stopped short of a desk. Surprisingly it wasn’t Morgan’s work station or Emily Prentiss’s either. It was Reid’s. He looked pretty much absorbed and his look was completely studious as his headphones also resound with the music. Everyone in the team had been attracted to the noise –even JJ, Rossi and Garcia- and all of them stared dumbfounded and then started chuckling at Reid’s obvious obliviousness of the noise he was making. Then Morgan’s expression sobered and everyone was hearing the lyrics of the song.
“The body stayed but inside the head,
the mind was on the run.
A conspiracy of silence
The only way out of pain”
The meaning of the song seemed to elude everyone except the members of Hotchner’s team, all whom seem to be in another space and time.
Aaron stared at his teammates.
“Let me show you, how I love you”
He watched Rossi out of the corner of his eyes; just as he remembered the brutality suffered by those he considered his adoptive family. The kids, now adults –two women, and one man- left with no parents and the consequences of growing up too fast and having no support system. Those kids, given other circumstances, would have grown to become other people. How the guilt ridden had attempted to show affection.
Just as well that he was right next to Garcia, because he understood her more than Aaron could. Garcia just looked devastated, like she just went to the loss of her parents again, 18 and lonely and Rossi put her arm around her frame and she came back, misty eyed but whole again.
“It's our secret, you and me
But keep it in the family tree
The secret of the family tree”
JJ’s eyes were red as if she’s trying to suppress the tears as she remembered her sister. How utterly devastating losing a sibling like that, and he can only imagine the weight of her parents expectations shifting from her lovely sister to tomboy Jennifer. He imagined how she’d had to adapt from her already freely formed personality to the perfectionist, eager to please persona. How secrecy became her prerogative, never confiding in anyone about the tragedy of her childhood.
“When you hear them saying -Trust me-
Don't wait to see what's next
Thrown to the wolves
Forever trusting
Raised in a form of living hell”
Not unlike the weight of being the son or daughter of a diplomat. Prentiss expression was more composed but nonetheless meaningful for those who know her. Many had experienced the loss of a parent. But the regret of giving up a baby can only be understood by those who have lived it.
“Sing a one note song of rage
live and die within your heart
So beware in the shadows
Your family tree waits in the dark”
Morgan’s expression was more like Hotch’s own feelings. His eyes were stormy, his fists clenched and his whole demeanor screamed of rage. Of the unimaginable rage of losing someone, and finding some solace, just to be deprived of it by the worst excuse of a human being. Morgan’s eyes were full of the fury of having been young and gullible, of being trapped and have one’s innocence destroyed.
“I know they were doing it to you
But don't try doing it to me”
Hotch thought his own expression was more controlled, because even though he’d suffered at the hands of his father, the physical abuse at the hands of one parent wasn’t as scarring of having someone close to you abuse you sexually (the actual content of the song Reid was hearing). But his rage was also great and he remembered why he didn’t contest for the custody of Jack, all because of not wanting to repeat the cycle. Sometimes, Aaron Hotchner feared his feelings. He feared that with just the right circumstances he could become the abuser. Just like his father, and ex military, a respectable person did.
He watched Reid’s face and his expressions are like a kaleidoscope of emotions. He recognized the feelings of loss he saw in Rossi, Garcia and he understood how his father’s abandonment might equate to the others.
He sae the weight of the expectations J.J and Prentiss also carry. Being a genius is a double edged sword because he was expected to succeed in every enterprise he took on, being perfect in every way imaginable.
He saw the helplessness he’d seen in Morgan and he thought the abuse he’d experienced from the high school bullies and indirectly at the unknowing hands of his mother were close to that particular set of feelings of Morgan.
He also saw his fear of repeating the cycle and he understood that in the face of possibly being able to give his children a mental disease everything might seem grim and definitive (maybe there’s the reason he insists he won’t have children).
He understood all of those feelings he saw in Reid. What he didn’t understand was the unadulterated anger he saw. Carefully hidden behind his glasses, which obscured his expression of disdain and anger (something he rarely saw in his colleague).
Everything went quiet in the office as the song was brought up to an end.
Finally he came out of his stupor and stared at Reid who was typing like a madman on the computer his previous expressions seeming like only ghosts of Hotch’s overworking imagination.
“Reid” he said his voice coming out darker than usual.
Reid raised his head from the computer and realized he had an audience. He stared at his teammates trying to figure out why everyone was surrounding his work space and curiously said, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t hear you. Do we have a case? I finished my reports a little while ago and I’m just working on my psychology paper due next month.” Reid watched as everyone tried to compose themselves slowly and he turned his enquiring eye to all of them
“Whatever is the matter?”
“Are you a Hard Rock fan Reid?” asked Morgan scornfully, not fully himself yet. “I thought you only listened to classical music”
“I… what?” Reid answered not fully understanding Morgan’s statement.
Hotch answered before Morgan’s aggressive persona manifested itself again. “Your earphones are plugged in incorrectly Reid.”
Understanding crossed Reid’s face and his demeanor darkened just as if remembering the song. There was a brief flash of anger again (he didn’t imagine it after all) and then it was gone again. He answered in an exceedingly cheerful tone. “You’re right. This isn’t what I normally listen to, but I am doing a study of psychological relationships between genre, lyrics and writers and how their respective life experiences are reflected in their lack of frivolity when composing. Surprisingly, it seems like the lyrical content of some of the music I used to despise isn’t as abhorrent as I used to think. And there’s also the matter of the obvious connection between some genres I didn’t see before. For example, if you cared to look there are some classical influences in metal genres such as power, melodic, symphonic metal and other genres such as…”
“Reid, Reid stop,” said Morgan laughing a little at the extended explanation.
“…Blues and jazz. Some progression of chords used in the more conservative schools of that music show in the least liked (more like most hated) versions of metal. It is really quite interesting to observe the classical sound being reproduced in the guttural gothic or otherwise heavier metal.” Reid finished not paying attention to Morgan’s words. Hotch noticed how Reid managed to displace the team’s attention on the contents of the song but keeping in the same topics so as to not arouse suspicion. And then everyone started to leave to their work stations, their previous disposition mostly forgotten.
“Be sure to plug them in correctly please,” said Hotch ending the conversation and leaving for his office.
At 8:00 pm Hotch was leaving his office when he heard some typing coming from the bullpen so he went to investigate finding Reid at his desk still working at a rapid speed. Reid then slowed down and with a definite tap at the keyboard he stopped typing altogether. Hotch watched as his young colleague closed his eyes and reclined on the chair with a satisfied sigh. Hotch spoke before he lost his nerve. “You’ve never told anybody, have you?”
Reid turned his eyes to Hotch and Hotch confirmed his suspicions. “Just as you haven’t Hotch,” was the reply he got.
Hotch experienced a sudden sense of panic before he remembered that they were just alike like that. “What gave me away?” They both ask at the same time. Reid gives Hotch a lopsided grin and he returned it with just a barest hint of a grin.
Hotch gestured for Reid to answer first and he said without a pause, “I suspected it after Perotta, and that custodial before you told me about your divorce with Haley. And then you didn’t contest the custody of your child, which was quite weird of you. I just about confirmed it then.” Reid went quiet and Hotch could fill the silence with the phrase his colleague couldn’t bring himself to say
“And then there was Foyet,” he said in barely a whisper and Reid nodded brusquely as if he had wanted to forget that particular event. ‘Don’t we all?’ thought Hotch.
“Your turn,” Reid replied suddenly, trying to bring Hotch out of his grim thoughts
“I figured it out just now, after the song. You had this expression on your face. It’s an expression I can easily recognize in Morgan and well, myself. And then I remembered how you seriously thought your father capable of murder. And Rossi said you wouldn’t tell him what you saw when they took you to the hypnotherapist.”
Hotch left out other incident but Reid said it for him just as he had mentioned Foyet. “And then there was my overzealous reaction with Owen,” said Reid quietly.
“You try to hide and you are good at it. But now it is something as clear as day for me,” replied Hotch and then the conversation stopped
They were quiet for a long time. Each one immersed in their own thoughts. Finally the cleaning crew arrived at the bullpen and they gathered their things. They grabbed the elevator and parted company. Before each of them entered their car Hotch asked.
“Was it true, the thing about you not abhorring some types of music anymore?”
“Well, I did develop some kind of taste for symphonic, melodic and even power metal. But screamo and guttural?” he laughed an easy laugh, carefree.
“I almost lost all hope in you Dr. Reid,” replied Hotch with a smile.
“You should give it a try. You might just like it,” answered Reid opening the driver’s door of his car.
“And you just wait. I’ll give Morgan some of the “most exquisite”, Reid mimicked the quotation marks, “metal varieties to “expand his horizons” and watch him suffer… just for my sake.”
Hotch then outright laughed at the parting words of his colleague. ‘I doubt Morgan will resist it’ thought Hotch as he exited the parking lot. Odds are against the rest of the team. In all probability no one will ever know about the deviously droll plan of Dr. Reid and because of that the hilarity would stay confined between the two agents. Just like the trust between each other.
Author:
lycanqueen, I go by absintheadditc on FF.NETRating: K+
Characters/Pairings: Aaron Hotchner, BAU team
Warnings: Not sure. Mentions of abuse. Partial spoiler from episodes “Natural Born Killer”; “Profiler, Profiled” ; “Penelope” ; “Damaged” ; “Elephant’s Memory” ; “Memoriam” ; “100” ; “Risky Business”.
Disclaimer: I own nothing or no one from "Criminal Minds" and no money is made from this, it is just for catharsis. Title inspired by Megadeth’s song named the same. Anything you recognize isn’t mine so please don’t sue me.
Summary: A song brings up unwanted memories for all the members of the team.
Author's Note: This is my second published Criminal minds fanfiction. I’d like to thank REIDFANATIC who beta’d this piece of work. Thank you for your input. I’m also waiting for some feedback from another beta so this will probably change a little. Not a native English speaker so any errors concerning that should be blamed on me.
*********************
Some things are better left unremembered. He thought the passing years had gifted him with the wisdom and the temper control he didn’t used to have. He usually avoided thinking of the past, mainly because in all honesty some things,–his childhood, his divorce with Haley, the horrible situations his team had suffered, the multitude of sins he had committed - just made him ache and wish for another life. But sometimes, memories are brought up by a particular case, or something as simple as a radio song and he just couldn’t help but remember.
It was a usual day at the office, just paperwork to be done, and he was working with the diligence that made him just as good at the job as he was. Suddenly someone turned the radio on –against the rules of noise regulation within the bullpen- and hard rock was permeating the office. He rose up to go and ask for the quietness they all needed to do their duty as they should. He crossed the bullpen searching for the source of the noise and stopped short of a desk. Surprisingly it wasn’t Morgan’s work station or Emily Prentiss’s either. It was Reid’s. He looked pretty much absorbed and his look was completely studious as his headphones also resound with the music. Everyone in the team had been attracted to the noise –even JJ, Rossi and Garcia- and all of them stared dumbfounded and then started chuckling at Reid’s obvious obliviousness of the noise he was making. Then Morgan’s expression sobered and everyone was hearing the lyrics of the song.
“The body stayed but inside the head,
the mind was on the run.
A conspiracy of silence
The only way out of pain”
The meaning of the song seemed to elude everyone except the members of Hotchner’s team, all whom seem to be in another space and time.
Aaron stared at his teammates.
“Let me show you, how I love you”
He watched Rossi out of the corner of his eyes; just as he remembered the brutality suffered by those he considered his adoptive family. The kids, now adults –two women, and one man- left with no parents and the consequences of growing up too fast and having no support system. Those kids, given other circumstances, would have grown to become other people. How the guilt ridden had attempted to show affection.
Just as well that he was right next to Garcia, because he understood her more than Aaron could. Garcia just looked devastated, like she just went to the loss of her parents again, 18 and lonely and Rossi put her arm around her frame and she came back, misty eyed but whole again.
“It's our secret, you and me
But keep it in the family tree
The secret of the family tree”
JJ’s eyes were red as if she’s trying to suppress the tears as she remembered her sister. How utterly devastating losing a sibling like that, and he can only imagine the weight of her parents expectations shifting from her lovely sister to tomboy Jennifer. He imagined how she’d had to adapt from her already freely formed personality to the perfectionist, eager to please persona. How secrecy became her prerogative, never confiding in anyone about the tragedy of her childhood.
“When you hear them saying -Trust me-
Don't wait to see what's next
Thrown to the wolves
Forever trusting
Raised in a form of living hell”
Not unlike the weight of being the son or daughter of a diplomat. Prentiss expression was more composed but nonetheless meaningful for those who know her. Many had experienced the loss of a parent. But the regret of giving up a baby can only be understood by those who have lived it.
“Sing a one note song of rage
live and die within your heart
So beware in the shadows
Your family tree waits in the dark”
Morgan’s expression was more like Hotch’s own feelings. His eyes were stormy, his fists clenched and his whole demeanor screamed of rage. Of the unimaginable rage of losing someone, and finding some solace, just to be deprived of it by the worst excuse of a human being. Morgan’s eyes were full of the fury of having been young and gullible, of being trapped and have one’s innocence destroyed.
“I know they were doing it to you
But don't try doing it to me”
Hotch thought his own expression was more controlled, because even though he’d suffered at the hands of his father, the physical abuse at the hands of one parent wasn’t as scarring of having someone close to you abuse you sexually (the actual content of the song Reid was hearing). But his rage was also great and he remembered why he didn’t contest for the custody of Jack, all because of not wanting to repeat the cycle. Sometimes, Aaron Hotchner feared his feelings. He feared that with just the right circumstances he could become the abuser. Just like his father, and ex military, a respectable person did.
He watched Reid’s face and his expressions are like a kaleidoscope of emotions. He recognized the feelings of loss he saw in Rossi, Garcia and he understood how his father’s abandonment might equate to the others.
He sae the weight of the expectations J.J and Prentiss also carry. Being a genius is a double edged sword because he was expected to succeed in every enterprise he took on, being perfect in every way imaginable.
He saw the helplessness he’d seen in Morgan and he thought the abuse he’d experienced from the high school bullies and indirectly at the unknowing hands of his mother were close to that particular set of feelings of Morgan.
He also saw his fear of repeating the cycle and he understood that in the face of possibly being able to give his children a mental disease everything might seem grim and definitive (maybe there’s the reason he insists he won’t have children).
He understood all of those feelings he saw in Reid. What he didn’t understand was the unadulterated anger he saw. Carefully hidden behind his glasses, which obscured his expression of disdain and anger (something he rarely saw in his colleague).
Everything went quiet in the office as the song was brought up to an end.
Finally he came out of his stupor and stared at Reid who was typing like a madman on the computer his previous expressions seeming like only ghosts of Hotch’s overworking imagination.
“Reid” he said his voice coming out darker than usual.
Reid raised his head from the computer and realized he had an audience. He stared at his teammates trying to figure out why everyone was surrounding his work space and curiously said, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t hear you. Do we have a case? I finished my reports a little while ago and I’m just working on my psychology paper due next month.” Reid watched as everyone tried to compose themselves slowly and he turned his enquiring eye to all of them
“Whatever is the matter?”
“Are you a Hard Rock fan Reid?” asked Morgan scornfully, not fully himself yet. “I thought you only listened to classical music”
“I… what?” Reid answered not fully understanding Morgan’s statement.
Hotch answered before Morgan’s aggressive persona manifested itself again. “Your earphones are plugged in incorrectly Reid.”
Understanding crossed Reid’s face and his demeanor darkened just as if remembering the song. There was a brief flash of anger again (he didn’t imagine it after all) and then it was gone again. He answered in an exceedingly cheerful tone. “You’re right. This isn’t what I normally listen to, but I am doing a study of psychological relationships between genre, lyrics and writers and how their respective life experiences are reflected in their lack of frivolity when composing. Surprisingly, it seems like the lyrical content of some of the music I used to despise isn’t as abhorrent as I used to think. And there’s also the matter of the obvious connection between some genres I didn’t see before. For example, if you cared to look there are some classical influences in metal genres such as power, melodic, symphonic metal and other genres such as…”
“Reid, Reid stop,” said Morgan laughing a little at the extended explanation.
“…Blues and jazz. Some progression of chords used in the more conservative schools of that music show in the least liked (more like most hated) versions of metal. It is really quite interesting to observe the classical sound being reproduced in the guttural gothic or otherwise heavier metal.” Reid finished not paying attention to Morgan’s words. Hotch noticed how Reid managed to displace the team’s attention on the contents of the song but keeping in the same topics so as to not arouse suspicion. And then everyone started to leave to their work stations, their previous disposition mostly forgotten.
“Be sure to plug them in correctly please,” said Hotch ending the conversation and leaving for his office.
At 8:00 pm Hotch was leaving his office when he heard some typing coming from the bullpen so he went to investigate finding Reid at his desk still working at a rapid speed. Reid then slowed down and with a definite tap at the keyboard he stopped typing altogether. Hotch watched as his young colleague closed his eyes and reclined on the chair with a satisfied sigh. Hotch spoke before he lost his nerve. “You’ve never told anybody, have you?”
Reid turned his eyes to Hotch and Hotch confirmed his suspicions. “Just as you haven’t Hotch,” was the reply he got.
Hotch experienced a sudden sense of panic before he remembered that they were just alike like that. “What gave me away?” They both ask at the same time. Reid gives Hotch a lopsided grin and he returned it with just a barest hint of a grin.
Hotch gestured for Reid to answer first and he said without a pause, “I suspected it after Perotta, and that custodial before you told me about your divorce with Haley. And then you didn’t contest the custody of your child, which was quite weird of you. I just about confirmed it then.” Reid went quiet and Hotch could fill the silence with the phrase his colleague couldn’t bring himself to say
“And then there was Foyet,” he said in barely a whisper and Reid nodded brusquely as if he had wanted to forget that particular event. ‘Don’t we all?’ thought Hotch.
“Your turn,” Reid replied suddenly, trying to bring Hotch out of his grim thoughts
“I figured it out just now, after the song. You had this expression on your face. It’s an expression I can easily recognize in Morgan and well, myself. And then I remembered how you seriously thought your father capable of murder. And Rossi said you wouldn’t tell him what you saw when they took you to the hypnotherapist.”
Hotch left out other incident but Reid said it for him just as he had mentioned Foyet. “And then there was my overzealous reaction with Owen,” said Reid quietly.
“You try to hide and you are good at it. But now it is something as clear as day for me,” replied Hotch and then the conversation stopped
They were quiet for a long time. Each one immersed in their own thoughts. Finally the cleaning crew arrived at the bullpen and they gathered their things. They grabbed the elevator and parted company. Before each of them entered their car Hotch asked.
“Was it true, the thing about you not abhorring some types of music anymore?”
“Well, I did develop some kind of taste for symphonic, melodic and even power metal. But screamo and guttural?” he laughed an easy laugh, carefree.
“I almost lost all hope in you Dr. Reid,” replied Hotch with a smile.
“You should give it a try. You might just like it,” answered Reid opening the driver’s door of his car.
“And you just wait. I’ll give Morgan some of the “most exquisite”, Reid mimicked the quotation marks, “metal varieties to “expand his horizons” and watch him suffer… just for my sake.”
Hotch then outright laughed at the parting words of his colleague. ‘I doubt Morgan will resist it’ thought Hotch as he exited the parking lot. Odds are against the rest of the team. In all probability no one will ever know about the deviously droll plan of Dr. Reid and because of that the hilarity would stay confined between the two agents. Just like the trust between each other.
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