criminalxminds | the beginning is the end is the beginning (23)

Title: The Beginning is the End is the Beginning (23)
Characters: Hotch, Jack, OC
Rating: T for eventualities
Summary: Following Haley's death, Hotch has to hire someone to help him take care of Jack. Both father and son have to learn to let people into their lives once again.
A/N: Obviously, this is slightly AU. Jessica is unable to care for Jack, and for the purposes of this story, Haley died at the end of the summer. Also, I've taken liberties with Hotch's home.
A/N 2: I'm always slightly nervous when I post a multi-chapter for a new fandom, especially one that involves an OC. They're dangerous territory ;P
Disclaimer: None of the characters from Criminal Minds belong to me. Cara, on the other hand, does.

Emily reached out and took Morgan's hand, steadying him slightly. "A little rusty?"

He gave her a playful smile even as he kept a watchful eye on the people around them. "It's been awhile," he admitted.

Emily laughed as he wobbled again. "I can see that."

His eyes landed on someone in the crowd, and he squeezed her hand, pulling her closer. "Creepy guy on your two."

Seemingly keeping her attention on her partner, Emily let her peripheral vision pick the guy up. He definitely didn't belong in the scene, a lack of a family or friend with him not the only indicator. His flannel shirt was buttoned unevenly, a few loose threads hanging from the bottom hem. He wasn't dirty, but there was an unkempt quality about him, his hair sticking up in the back.

And he wasn't skating – his eyes were on the couples and families moving around him, his gaze heavy.

There was quiet static in their ears. "We've got him," Hotch said quietly. "You two stay there for a little while longer, see if anyone else stands out."

"We get to freeze our asses off," Morgan muttered.

Emily glanced over at him. "Think of it as getting to ice skate instead of chasing after a suspect."

"I like chasing after suspects."

She rolled her eyes, pulling him along with her for another loop around. "I've noticed."

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"Nothing," Morgan hissed as they headed toward their car. "Two hours out there, and we got nothing."

Emily shared his frustration, but she couldn't voice it. Reid's skating rink idea had been the only decent lead, and they still weren't any closer to catching the killer. Her chest constricted as she watched two families standing together at their cars, the dads chatting as they loaded the trunks.

More people were going to die if they couldn't figure this out.

"Let's head back to the station," she said quietly. "Maybe the guy the rest of the team followed is the UNSUB."

Morgan looked over at her, a sympathetic expression on his face. "We both know he's not, Em. He was creepy, yeah. And they had to follow the lead. But he's not our guy."

She sighed as they got into the car. "I know."

The streets were quiet, and Emily stared out at the houses as they drove past. Lights were on in most of them as families sat down to a late dinner or got settled in front of the tv, and she found herself missing her own apartment. Though if she were honest with herself, she missed Dave's place just as much. Dating a coworker was difficult, but they were finding a way to make it work, and it made her miss their time at home that much more.

"How do you think Hotch is holding up?" Morgan asked suddenly, his voice hushed.

She had asked herself that question more than once since the case had come to them. "I imagine worse than he seems."

He nodded. "Yeah, that's what I thought. Has he talked to Jack yet? Or Cara?"

"I don't think so."

"Keeping them at arm's length, you think?"

"Probably protecting himself from a breakdown, and them from his demons."

"And we all know how well that works."

Emily shrugged. "He's gonna have to learn the hard way, then. Jack's not gonna break because he sees his dad grieving, and Cara's not gonna run because a case hammers him. He has a support system. And if he doesn't let them pull him back from the edge…" She shook her head.

"Then he's gonna drag them down with him," Morgan finished. "Dammit."

"Let's find the UNSUB first. Then we'll deal with Hotch." She frowned, something out the window catching her eye. "Morgan, circle the block."

He frowned, but did as she asked. "What's up?"

"Did we come this way on our way to the rink?"

"No. I took a coupla wrong turns when we first pulled out. We're almost back to the main drag. Why?"

"I recognized the two cars in that driveway. They were getting ready to leave when we did. Two different families."

Morgan shrugged. "So? Probably friends visiting."

Emily turned to look at him. "All of the lights were off in the house."

He checked his watch. "Little early for everyone to be in bed."

"What if we missed something in the profile?" she pressed. "We know he's an alpha male. Confident. Strong. What if he's a family man?"

"A widower who got a second chance with a new family?" Morgan asked. "Maybe he hates himself and takes it out on guys like him.

"We could check," Emily suggested. "The murders have been in the news…easy to explain our presence as a precautionary check."

Morgan was already heading back toward the house.

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Hotch stared through the glass at their suspect, arms crossed over his chest. He knew this wasn't their guy. There wasn't enough rage in him, or the confidence to tie up an entire family and slaughter them. They were looking for an alpha male, someone who wanted to make people hurt in an extreme way. The man sitting at the table was neither of those things – he was broken and lost, left bitter by a world that had left him behind.

He felt the step behind him, and he knew that Dave was there.

"Do we have an I.D. yet?" he asked, his gaze still locked on the suspect.

"Marcus Huntington. War vet. Homeless."

"Alibi?"

"At a soup kitchen at the time of the first murder – volunteers there know him well. Said he helps out when he can with the physical stuff around the shelter."

Hotch sighed, feeling his strength ebb. "It's not him."

"No, it's not." He glanced over at his friend. "We'll get him, Hotch."

"Before or after he kills another family?"

Dave opened his mouth, unsure of how to respond. But then Hotch's phone was ringing, and any answer flew out of his head.

"We're on our way," he said tersely, snapping the phone shut once again. "Prentiss and Morgan found him."

Dave's eyes narrowed. "Where?"

"Killing another family."

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It was over before they got there. Hotch wanted to yell at Morgan for going in without backup, but there was a family of four still able to cling to one another because the agent hadn't hesitated. Clenching his fists, he turned to watch the murderer taken out of the house, hands restrained behind his back. Cuts and bruises on his face told him that he had put up a fight, but Hotch found himself wishing the man had gone through more pain.

A small hiss behind him interrupted his bleak thoughts, and he turned to see Emily getting treated by a medic. He moved closer, taking in the gash over her left eye, a bruise already forming. Dave stood there with his arms crossed, trying to appear stern despite the worry in his eyes.

"You should have waited," he growled.

"The UNSUB wasn't going to," she shot back, her voice ice. "That family would be dead now if we hadn't come in."

The tension in Dave's shoulders eased a fraction of an inch as the medic finished his job and moved away. "I know," he said quietly. He opened his mouth to say more, but then shook his head, knowing that this wasn't the time or the place.

She appreciated his restraint, and she gave him a small smile, gentling her tone. "I'm okay."

He nodded. "You did good."

Hotch's jaw clenched. "The two of you were lucky," he said shortly.

Morgan came over, a bandage on his right arm. "Need a little luck with a case like this. You can't stand there and tell me we did wrong, Hotch."

Hotch's eyes went back to the family. "No, I can't," he admitted.

He walked out of the house without another word. His friends watched him go, each one wearing a worried expression.

"We caught the guy," Morgan finally said. "He can't be upset about that."

"He's not," Rossi countered. "But the tension has been building the entire case. It hit too close to home for him. And then he didn't have a chance for relief. Usually there's some satisfaction in the chase, breaking in the door, holding the UNSUB at gunpoint. It gives the anger a healthy outlet."

"And instead, he's just stuck with it all inside," Emily finished.

"So basically he's gonna carry it around until he blows?" Morgan asked.

Dave sighed. "Let's hope Cara has bulletproof skin. He's going to be a difficult man to deal with for awhile."

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It was late when he finally made his way home. Cara glanced at the clock as she got up from the couch, stretching her tight muscles. He hadn't called once during the case, but JJ had gotten a hold of her, giving her a heads up that the case had been one of the worst they'd ever had. Apparently Hotch wasn't speaking to anyone at this point, and his team was worried about him.

So was she.

"Hey," she said quietly as he pulled off his jacket and hung it in the closet.

He didn't even look at her. "You're up late."

She shrugged. "You came in late."

"It's the job."

He was short, and his voice jagged. Cara wondered if maybe she should just let him go for the night, let him try to work through whatever was weighing on him. But he'd been holding this in for days already, and she knew what that could do to a person.

He moved into the kitchen, and she followed.

"Jack missed you. Kept asking why you didn't call."

"I was busy with the case."

Cara sighed – she'd never seen him this defensive before. "And I understand that, Hotch. So does he. But he just likes to hear your voice, to know that you're okay. He knows your job is important, but he also knows that it's dangerous. He prays for you every night. You have no idea how much that little boy worries about you –"

He slammed his glass back down onto the counter. "Dammit, Haley! I –"

He froze, his eyes widening as he realized what he said. Cara stopped as well, staring at him, knowing that the case had to have been even worse than JJ let on. Hotch had never once made that slip before.

"Hotch," she whispered

He didn't even say anything. Keeping his eyes away from hers, he stalked out of the kitchen and up the stairs, leaving her to stare after him.